FTBP Golf Society Secretary Ian Wilson has put together another of his outstanding mini-breaks disguised as a golfing weekend. The venue is the Royal Borough of Windsor, home of that most aristocratic of sartorial accessories - the Windsor Knot. Those old enough to remember dancing to the Detroit Spinners in the Seventies will also recall the thrill of learning to tie a double knot for the first time. Unfortunately, I never experienced this pleasure as my Mum had to do mine. But I digress.....so Windsor it is.
The weekend begins on the Friday 25th of August at 1pm at the famous
Venue to be Arranged Golf Club just outside Windsor. A gentle nine
holes competing for the FTBP 'Hors d'Oeuvres' Challenge Trophy is
fine preparation for the evening's stroll down the royal town's main
boulevard, the King's Road. Strange choice of name that, but I suppose
had they called it the Queen's Road it would have attracted the large
numbers of homosexuals that make up the majority of the population
of the Homo Counties. What better than spending an evening in the
company of coachloads of fat American tourists and passing ourselves
off as Europe's Ryder Cup team. Dick, you can be Colin Montgomerie.
On the Saturday morning we will leave our hotel, the Royal Adelaide
- I see the pom-bashing Aussies aren't averse to associating themselves
with the Royal Family when there's a few bob to be made - and make
our way to the Blue Mountain Golf Club in Binfield, just outside Windsor,
he guessed. A brief breakfast for those poofs who didn't drink enough
the previous night, or an arse-settling aperitif for those that did,
will be followed by the Blue Riband event of the weekend, The FTBP
'Suckling Pig' Trophy. Eighteen holes of pure hell played on one of
the most stuck-up courses in the South East. Best behaviour will be
required of members off the first tee. Thereafter, you're on your
At 3pm we will gather in the Club bar for a late lunch and to present
Stokesy with all his prizes and the winner's famed 'checked jacket'.
I will follow the presentation to me of a cheap plastic wild pig as
reward for services social with a long and rambling speech about nothing
Then the fun starts.
It's off to the races, Windsor Races, just outside Windsor, where
Kev Ryan will put a pony on a gelding and a monkey on a mare and wonder
why he only drew out £800 from the cashpoint. Should be fun given
past experience. The night is wrapped up with a return visit to the
King's Road to drink a fond farewell to all our new-found friends.
Interested ? Then give Ian Wilson a call on 01442-225286 during work
hours and a cheque for £30 for the round of golf. Hotel prices from
£47.50 a night.
See you there.