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Boyle's Blog

The future's bright, the future's bloody Orange! The idiot who runs this site has decided that the subtle threads of pink dotted around the place together with the green and claret tab lines were a bit boring, so he's gone for the glaring orange look.

As some form of recompense, he's found me a body and a mouth - too little too late I say. Mind you the site does have a bit more punch than it did, so I guess we'll have to just get used to it.

What's been happening to me since my last note? Not much really. I see you are starting to have outings without the Suckling Pig being awarded. I applaud this innovation. The Suckling Pig should only be an annual prize, whereas the Shield has always been a bit of a throwaway which allows anybody to win it. Could Dick Jones be the only regular member never to have won either trophy? No wonder he's changing the website to look like a tart's boudoir. Watch out if he wears orange at the Buckingham bash - he could be on a mission. Well, cheerio for now and watch out for the next exciting entry in the Blog that is Boyle's Blog.

OK, I have to admit it. I am the Index case in the current outbreak of Swine Flu in Mexico. It wasn't all my fault! I was feeling a bit rough so decided to head out to Cancun for a long weekend.

After the flight I was feeling decidedly groggy so I left the Hotel and headed to the nearest Cantina to try the CGS cure-all, Corona & Lime with Tequila chasers. Well guys, you know how it is with Beer Goggles. This horny senorita sidled up to me and asked if I'd like to dance. We don't need asking twice do we? So off we went and tripped the light fantastic for a couple of hours, together with a few more drinks. Anyway, this gorgeous woman said she'd come back to my room if I gave her her bus fare in the morning. Obviously, we did the horizontal Tango and I woke up next morning feeling much better - she, however, was really rough (as the picture shows!). I gave her the bus fare (how far was she going for $200?, answers on a postcard).

It turns out I'd given her the flu (as well as a really good seeing-to) and the rest, as they say, is History. The bitch obviously sleeps around and I may be responsible for the worst Flu Pandemic since World War I. I've tried to call the NHS helpline about this Swine Flu, but all I get is crackling!

Ah well, Shit happens. Catch you soon (if you don't catch the Pig Flu first).Just make sure you wear a mask if you're into rogering ugly Chihuahuas!

This is the first in an occasional series of articles from me, Boyle the Pig.

I first of all wanted to take the chance to introduce myself. I have been chosen by your Committee, from a long list of applicants, to be the official mascot of the Cardex Golf Society. You may think you've never seen me before, but if you check out some of the pictures below, you'll see I've been around for a lot longer than you think. Some people spotted me in Poole, but chose to keep quiet in case other people thought that they'd already had too much to drink. Thanks to Kev Ryan & the nice receptionist totty from the Holiday Inn for keeping quiet. Mind you, If someone had shouted out, "Ere! There's a pig hiding behind the reception desk", I think you'd have all been looking for your Trainee Applicant Member from the West Midlands. You will hopefully see me appearing very soon on a wide range of CGS merchandise - well, shirts to start with, but who knows what stocking fillers may be available in the future?

Well, that's all for now, but be assured, you will be seeing my own personal view on the CGS, and it's membership, soon.